So, this morning I was following a truck and it had beautiful marble grave marker stones in the back of it. They were secured so tightly and the driver was taking every bump and turn so slowly. He was being so respectful with such important and meaningful pieces of people’s lives in his truck- the part that is left here on Earth for the family to physically touch and feel close to their loved one. So, as I was thinking all of these thoughts, I started to cry. Like ugly cry, like really close to you should pull over on the side of the road kind of cry. And it reminded me of last nite when one by one young people’s hopes and dreams were being torn away from them on American Idol and I sat on the couch next to Sam ugly crying for two hours. . . my face all scrunched up, my throat killing me from trying to hold it in, the day’s mascara smeared all under my eyes. I am crying again just thinking about it.
So, yes, I started Clomid.
Now, after my super easy time with Provera (progesterone), I thought all of the similar rumors about Clomid were not going to be true for me either. I guess I was wrong. It has only been two days and I feel like a wreck. I also feel a little bit hyper and in a daze. So mix that with the crying and I am kind of a hot mess.
I paid a visit to our local baby store, Chicken Little, yesterday to pick something up for someone and it kind of got me excited. I am trying to be very realistic about all of this and not get my hopes up too soon, but I have to admit for a second I just wanted to grab the gun and start registering for my maybe baby. But I didn’t. And I didn’t cry. (it was pre clomid).
I had one appointment this week (Sam and my super romantic Valentine’s date) and they took some more of my blood to test and it turned out how they wanted so that was good. He also did a ultrasound. (Quick side note: when they put me in the room they said, “Waist Down”. Well, I heard “Face Down”. So, I thought to myself, that sounds super awkward. The doctor will walk in and I will just be laying face down on the table with my naked rear in the air , as Sam sits awkwardly in the chair next to me? Maybe he is going to include a nice back massage with this appointment? Well, I clarified and there was no special bare butt surprise for the doctor when he came in the door, but it did make for a super good laugh). Th ultrasound was good, I think, not quite sure, I am terrible at making out the black and white smudges on the screen. I am waiting for results from one other blood test and then I have a supposedly really yucky test on Monday called a HSG. Anyone ever had one of those? If so, was it as bad as my doctor keeps hinting at? I have to take more pills to prepare for it than I have in my life, so it is kind of making me nervous. We will see.
I am off, if you happen to find me huddled up somewhere crying in the next few days, just carry on, I will be fine.